Provoking our children to anger

Jeff sent me the link to this site called "The blazing center". You can look up the web address if you like as I do not want to take any credit away from anyone in copying this article.

As I read this, I must confess that I am guilty on almost all counts of this list.

One book that I am in the middle of writes that our kids are constantly asking us two questions - "Do you love me?" and "Can I get my own way?" A dear friend also added to this list, "Are you for real?" - meaning, do you really live out what you say???

I am going to print this list out and put it in my Bible as it has just so convicted my heart today. I so long to train my children and NOT to frustrate them, but it is not something that I can just say at the beginning of the day, I am not going to provoke my kids to anger today! It is a moment to moment decision.

We are in such need of His Grace to raise these precious children of ours....and I am guessing this list is a pretty good reminder for all of us moms (and aunts, grandmas, etc...)

How To Provoke Your Children To Anger

Written by Mark Altrogge

Topics: Children

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

I was thinking about this today as I prepared for a parenting class. Here are some ways that we parents can provoke our children to anger. I’ve done many of these, and for this reason I’m grateful for the blood of Jesus and the power of the Spirit to change.

We can provoke our children to anger:

- By constantly criticizing them and not encouraging them. When they feel they can never please us enough.
- By having double standards – Do as I say, not as I do. Expecting them to do things we don’t do, e.g. ask forgiveness, humble themselves, etc.
- By anger and harshness
- By a lack of affection
- By telling them what to do or not do without giving Biblical reasons (e.g., Do it because I said to do it, or because it’s just wrong).
- By being offended at their sin because it bothers us, not because it offends God.
- By comparing them to others (Why can’t you act like your sister?)
- By hypocrisy – acting like a Christian at church but not at home
- By embarrassing them (correcting, mocking or expressing disappointment in them in front of others)
- By always lecturing them and never listening to them
- By disciplining them for childishness or weakness, not for sin
- By failing to ask their forgiveness when we sin against them
- By pride – failing to receive humble correction from our spouses or our children when we sin.
- By self-centered reactions to their sin (How could you do this to ME?)
- By ungracious reactions to their sin (What were you thinking? Why in the world would you do that?)
- By forgetting that we were (and are) sinners (I would NEVER have done that when I was your age).

May God give us gracious, gentle, humble, affectionate hearts toward our children.

New Food #2

And the new food of the week is CAVIAR. Now caviar is one of those foods that is always joked about, but I have never actually eaten.

I had actually intended to get anchovies as it was "Make your own pizza" night at the Leman house. The "hold the anchovies" was a food joke I wanted to be able to squelch and give us all a taste of what anchovy pizza is all about. But alas, I could not find the anchovies and stumbled upon this modest little jar of Caviar.

Now, this of course is not real Caviar - the real stuff comes from the Sturgeon found in the Caspian sea and is served raw. It was considered the "Peal of the Sea". Caviar sobs would not think of eating this delicacy out of a jar which has been pasteurized, thus altering the texture, flavor and even the smell. I read that Caviar is suppose to smell like a "fresh ocean breeze"....ours smelled like an old sock a fish may have worn to bed.

The best Caviar is from the Beluga and sells for around $174 per ounce. Ours came from some unknown white fish and cost about $6.00.

We added the Caviar to a cracker covered in Camembert cheese (Yum!!) as that seemed like a sophisticated thing to do....

And the verdict??

The little eggs are held together by a thin, sticky goo, but are soft enough that there is not much texture. The flavor is super mild, so it tasted more like cheese that had gone fishy-bad.

None of us were sure what all the fuss was about with Caviar, but I suspect you would have to taste the real thing in order to make a proper verdict. I am guessing the difference is close to eating tuna from a can verses a nice tuna steak at a fish market.

But at least now we can say we have eaten Caviar!

Dupped!

I am currently listening to a sermon on generosity - which I would love to share about in another post, but decided to take a quick brake and make myself a cup of tea.  

This is what I found in the store this week and have now decided I have been completely and utterly DUPPED by some savvy business man (or woman).

I am not dieting, but thought - "Hey, what better way to enjoy my tea than to get some dieting benefits out of it as well??  And with a name like this, it just has to be GOOD."

Can you squint your eyes enough to see the ingredients on the back?  


First the directions say you are not to take it for more than 10 days.  It also says you should not have more than one cup in a 24 hour period.  Okay, so what exactly is in this amazing super tea?

Check out one ingredient - marshmallow root.  First of all, I thought marshmallows were a completely man-made chemical mistake that we somehow decided was a fun thing to feed our children.  I looked it up and it is the root of the marshmallow plant and  It has a mucous type substance that does not dissolve in water and is sometimes used to help with sores in the mouth.   Yes, please put that in my tea so that I can loose weight! 


I stopped there as I did not want to know anymore of what I had ingested or the money I had squandered.


I have learned that I will keep my new trials to only fresh produce, meat and dairy.  Or I just need to take the time to read the label in the store before handing over my cash.


Someone, somewhere is saying right now, "Gotcha!"

Amazing!

There are times I would like to think I am a pretty good mom and wife.

But then I am reminded what a TERRIFIC husband and father Jeff is.

Jeff has been gone for the past couple of weekends and will be gone this next weekend (mostly work) and I have been trying to hold down the fort at home.

Well...last Sunday, Jeff told me to take a little nap in the afternoon and while I was asleep, he took all the kids to the store to buy ingredients for dinner that night. They ALL pitched in (well, perhaps not Cal, but I have no doubt he added his mischief to at least one of the dishes that night.) to make the dinner.

Cameron manned the grill, Cosette made the garlic mashed potatoes and Conner prepared the asparagus. Absolutely fabulous! I did not have to set the table, clear the table or wash dishes. I sat down and enjoyed an Argentinian steak kabob with all the trimmings with my family. I was then presented with some kind of silky, chocolate, chocolate, hazelnut, chocolate cake - words cannot actually describe how good it was. But here was the tricky part - I was the only one who got the cake so I had 5 pairs of eyes watching me eat it and I really, really, really did not want to share. Alas, I did, but purely out of guilt.

Jeff, you amaze me!!! Thank you Cameron, Cosette and Conner too for all of your loving hard work!! I was blessed!

Oh Taste and See...

I have somewhat of a new year's resolution this year.

It all started when I made a special Valentines dinner for the family. Everything in our dinner was red or pink - salmon, radishes, grape tomatoes, you get the drift. So when I was cutting up the radishes, I decided that I should not be wasting the greens on top. I washed them, and then flash-sauteed them with a little olive oil and salt and pepper and served them on top of the salmon. Now the greens were a little strong and a tad bitter for the salmon but the kids liked it and ate it all up, including Calvin.

So my resolution?

To prepare and eat something new from the store at least once a week.

This week, it was Quinoa (pronounce KEEN-WAH). It is a "grain" from South America and has recently gained popularity in the States. It is actually not a grain at all but rather a seed. It was once called the "gold of the Incas" for its dietary qualities. It is a whole protein which means it carries all 9 essential amino acids. So for a vegan (which I am definitely NOT) this would be a food of choice.

I boiled the light-colored flakes with a little salt and butter, cooked it for all but 90 seconds, sweetened with honey and then added some raisins, almonds and a little shredded coconut.

The kids were required to eat one spoonful. Cameron and Cosette were a little leery, but Conner and Calvin gobbled it right up.

The texture is more similar to cream of wheat than oatmeal, but the flavor is very mild and pleasant. It did not seem gluey at all and was a terrific base for all of the other yummy things I put in it.

So there it is...

I cannot wait to see what ends up in my kitchen next week and am reminded that we serve an amazing God who would provide such variety for us to eat. We truly can "taste and see that the Lord is good"!

The best Friday afternoon...

I was feeling kinda hungry, kinda nostalgic and kinda unmotivated to do anything practical or responsible.

After returning home from walking to pick up my kids from school, I convinced myself that my body just needed a few extra calories.

So...Cosette and I set to work at making cranberry scones. If I would have been on the ball, I would have had photos of the entire process like the "Pioneer Woman", but in all reality, I am just not that talented or efficient. I did find out, though that the fastest and easiest way to crumble cold butter with flour is to zap it in the food processor. 15 seconds and Wallah!!!

So with a nice warm cranberry scone in hand, still dripping a sweet icing glaze and a cup of proper english tea with milk and sugar in the other, Cosette and I enjoyed the fruits of our labor while chatting about her day.

And so I discovered, that was just the best way to spend my lazy Friday afternoon!

Happy Anniversary, mom and dad!

These are my parents at Calvin's third birthday party. Today is their wedding anniversary and I thought I should do a little tribute to them. I believe they have been married 47 years (or somewhere close to that.)

As with most couples, they are very different. My dad is 6 ft 6 in.; my mom is 5 ft. My mom is an adventurer - enjoys to travel; my dad is very happy sitting in the chair in his den. My dad loves opera music; my mom runs and hides in another room when he turns it on. My dad likes BEEF, my mom thinks beef gets stuck in her gizzard and would rather just eat vegetables.

My parents got married and realized they could not have children, so adopted three - the third was one from Korea. They, of course, have made their mistakes, but we never doubted their love for us and I am still seeing in new ways how they invested their lives in each of ours in such self-less ways.

They often irritate each other and yet, they so much depend on each other and they will not make a move until they have talked to the other one first. They are committed to one another and for that I am so truly grateful. I have been amazed at times watching my dad care for my mom while she has been sick and seeing my mom more concerned about my dad than herself even though she was the one suffering.

Happy Anniversary, mom and dad. I pray that each day with each other will grow sweeter and sweeter and that your love for each other will continue to blossom and reflect the love Christ has for us, his church.

I love you!

Is this food??

Okay, my bone to pick this morning is with school lunches. I am not to get all political or jump into social activism, but this has hit close to home and I am now venting.

I decided to volunteer at school once a month to help serve the hot lunch. What I realized was that I have been paying $2.25 for my child to eat nasty processed, so-called food. They consider a healthy child's lunch to be a pile of corn chips with a scoop of "Alpo" looking meat, and a glob of sticky, gloppy stuff they call cheese. Seriously???

America has boasted about how it is so advanced and superior to other cultures, but when it comes to food, I am amazed what American children will eat (and PREFER to eat). They not only eat it, they come back for seconds and thirds AND they throw their fresh carrots and whole apples in the garbage and dump their milk down the drinking fountain.

Now, of course, kids will be kids and will eat what tastes good, rich and sweet. So what happened to us as parents that we forfeited our responsibility to make sure what our kids are putting into their bodies on a daily basis will actually help them and not harm them? I had one mom tell me the other day that her son cried because they did not have corn dogs at school on Monday. "He only eats a few things - he is very picky with his foods", she said.

Now, so I don't sound all self-righteous and all that, my kids (at least some of them) would enjoy a good corn dog as well - the nasty ones they serve at at school?? - maybe....But as an adult and a parent, am I willing to go the extra mile to make sure they are getting good foods in their diet? It seems I better be, because the school has certainly abdicated their role in watching out of the health of our children!

My Peter Pan Lost!

This is Conner....my corny little boy. I love his sincere little heart and his absent mind to life's little details. He put Calvin's t-shirt on the other night when my sister-in-law was babysitting and was trying to assure her that it was his t-shirt and he had just grown really fast. If it is in his drawer, it must be his.

I have always called Conner my Peter Pan as he is 7 and 1/2 and hadn't lost his top baby teeth. I told him it was a sign that he was always to be my little boy. But alas, they finally came out, and I realize that this is one small steps toward manhood for him. His face will forever be changed and this makes me a little sad.

But what a privilege to watch him grow and change . What a blessing to see how Conner has changed me. What a joy to be a part of this little man's life! I am praying Proverbs 1 for him today...that his will seek wisdom and that as he gains he new adult teeth, he will learn to fear the Lord and learn to love His Word.

Mission Oak Inn

Jeff and I had a two day get-away at a small B & B in Henry called Mission Oak Inn. It is run by a Christian couple who felt let to start this bed and breakfast over eleven years ago. I think it has been running for maybe 6 years now.

I know that they won't mind me sharing the name on my blog as they are happy for the advertisement. It was such a wonderful quiet get-away for us and gave us time to talk and just BE with each other.

We tried out for the first time snow-shoeing and thanks to the big storm, we had plenty of snow to practice in. It was amazing how easy it was to walk in that deep snow (as we had to walk in it later without the snow-shoes and sank almost to our knees in places) and was exhilarating to go hiking through the woods in the brisk, clean air. We followed the tracks of deer and enjoyed the silence that blanketed the ravine.

Later we went ice fishing on the lake - another first in our book. This sled looking thing proved to be our hut later on.

Drilling the hole took but just a moment....

Tad-a!!

The fishing gear definitely looked different than what I was used to.

In a jiffy the tent was up and warm enough that we would spend the next almost four hours in. We did feel pretty numb by the end but I was amazed how comparatively warm we were as the outside temperature was in the teens.

This fishing hole brought back vivid memories of an Indian toilet....

Wax worms was the cuisine of choice for this particular day.

And the prized fish - Jeff caught a nice-sized crappie. I caught one also, but it got off the hook and I watched it sadly in the hole for several minutes before it swam away. We caught around 17 fish in all and had a wonderful meal with the kids when we got home. The Inn keepers kindly cleaned and packaged them up for us while we went inside to warm our toes and noses.

We are so thankful for Peg and Gus who were willing to watch our kids while we took off and thankful to the Lord for our time together and with Him. I just LOVE those quiet moments. We are blessed!!

A lesson learned....yet again

I am reading a book called, "How Children raise parents" by Dan Allender.

I have been reminded once again how I spend my time and energy focusing on the behavior of my children rather than their heart. While I may not always admit that I tend to do this, I surely do and you may even confirm this with my children if you would like.

And yet we all would agree that our desire would be that our children are conformed to the image of Christ, no matter how wild, or radical or improper that may seem at the moment. Do I care that my son wears faded jeans to church or do I care that he wrestles with the reality of God made flesh and how that affects his life.

I find myself wanting to conform and wanting to look like a good little Christian family more than helping my children truly confront the matters of the heart.

Here was a harsh wake up call.

We sat down to dinner the other night just as the blizzard started to really rage outside. Jeff said that we should pray for the homeless because there would be sure to be many who would die during the night.

Yes, good idea. Let's pray.

Conner started to pray and then broke down in deep sobs as he tried to pray for those who might be out in the storm. His heart had been touched and mine was as cold as ice. What a lesson to learn from my 7 year old!

Lord, help to focus on their little hearts. Help me to focus on what really and truly matters. Thank you for using Conner to awaken my soul to love and mercy... The very things I desire to teach him! Give me you Wisdom in this thing called parenting.


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