Today was mom's funeral. Since coming home, I have busied myself by trying to dig through the mounds to try and find my home again. I realized that I have not really been a homemaker (or mom) for over two weeks since all of this began. Now I am taking a breather and finding therapy in writing...
Since this is my first "real" funeral of someone so close, I had no idea the energy it would all zap out of me (and my poor dad) and how utterly exhausted I would feel afterward. My heart has been flooded with emotions of: sadness - not just for me, but for my dad and siblings and for my children, happiness that my mom's time of suffering has finally passed, joy in seeing old friends and hearing their words of comfort and tender assurances, and also just emptiness...this is one that is hard to even describe.
I was with my mom to the very end and I can testify that the last time she was awake, there was joy in her eyes. She awoke at 4:00 in the morning the day before she died and she looked into my eyes and her eyes broke into the most tender and joyful smile, and she said, "Well hi Jan". Then she would look up past me toward the ceiling and break out into a tremendous smile again. I asked her what she was smiling about and she would close her eyes, shake her head a little and then just smile again.
What an honor to be with her in those last moments....what a privilege to care for her after all those years she cared for me. And amidst the overwhelming flood of tears, I found a joy that she was finally free.
Mom would have truly enjoyed her funeral service today. We, of course sang her favorite songs and Jeff was able to share from the Word, how we are able to grieve with hope because of the assurance we have in the Lord Jesus Christ who took away our sin. He very clearly presented the Gospel in a way that I believe no one there could have misunderstood. After the visitation and funeral, I am amazed at the testimony of Christ she left on so many hearts. She was definitely one of those quiet, unseen servants and I am thankful that I can testify that she was faithful to the very end.
Thank you to all who have sent your condolences - we truly feel loved.
I do not know what happens after this...I don't know when the sadness will end....
Many have asked Jeff and I what we will do next; when we will return to India, etc....I am not even sure what I am going to fix my family for dinner tonight!
So much to think upon, digest, ponder...but more than anything I find myself just remembering.
Remembering my mom
Always serving - this is her washing my dishes in India.
What a memory to have had mom with me when Calvin was born in India!
One of my very favorite pictures!
This was taken just three weeks before she passed away. It was a trip to a B&B for their 47th wedding anniversary. I had asked mom if she would like to wait and go until the weather got warmer and she said, "No, I don't know what will happen in a month, so I would rather go now." They had a wonderful time - the Lord is good!
Thank you for the blessing of this wonderful post! I am also glad that you were able to be with you mom and care for her in such an intimate way and be with her those final moments this side of heaven. You will always have that and I know you feel it was the least you could do for her. What a privilege it is to pour ourselves out as a drink offering to the glory of God. Luv you,
ReplyDeleteno words except I love you and your family dearly. Thank you for blessing me!
ReplyDeleteYour post brought back so many memories of those same emotions after my mom's funeral...wondering if I would ever have happiness with out the shadow of sadness with it. But it will come. I think because of the wonderful assurance we have of our moms' place in heaven, the full joy of life eventually does come back. But thankfully, I don't think we ever forget them.
ReplyDeleteI never had the privilidge of meeting your mom, and I've had little opportunity to be with you. But from what I read here, she seemed like a gentle, quiet woman of grace. And I appreciate so much your example to me as a Believer, wife, mom and daughter.
I will be praying for you all...I can't imagine how hard it must be to help your kids grieve such a loss.
love you!
Janet, your post brought many emotions for me also. I am so thankful you were with your Mom. I also had the honor of being by my Mom's side and watching her take her last breath. It is so, so reassuring to KNOW where they are and to know life on this earth is over for them but eternity is just beginning. I will pray for you that you will feel God's presence and love. I will pray for your Dad and kiddos also. Love you! Marcia
ReplyDeleteAppreciate so much the way you expressed your emotions and feelings at this time, dear sister-o-mine. I deeply share your sadness....and your joy! To be with Jesus....imagine. So thankful that the Lord gave you that sweet opportunity to be with your mom as He took her home and she was "absent from the body" and "present with the Lord".
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful, too, that I could talk to her briefly last week, and that Tom could visit....that meant a lot to us. She, along with your dad, has been a blessing to us over the many years, and faithfully supported and greatly encouraged us in the almost 20 years we have been in Mongolia.
So glad you had the privilege to serve her and care for her this past year, and these last couple weeks, especially. How kind our God is!
....loving you from afar....
Lisa